Craving truffles and escape.

I know that in my previous post I talked about the contentment of small town life. Okay, maybe that's what I was sincerely feeling in that moment when I was writing. Today, it seems to be a different story. I don't know why. I had a great day, occupied by wedding festivities, Khmer learning, hanging out, etc. Perhaps the tension I feel within has come from the unspoken conflicts of miscommunication at my homestay. By golly, it's entirely far from an ideal situation.

Gender roles prevent communication with the father. The fact that I'm a girl means he's not going to talk to me. Sharing a bed means a lack of any privacy. Their food and poor sanitation has made me sick with diarrhea for almost two weeks now. The damn mossies are still ravaging me, causing the most recent swelling of the left hand. But, there are small moments of redemption. There are times of genuine laughter. There is still willingness to keep trying.

But today...

Well, today I have been occupied by thoughts of escape. I want to run away to some fancy city, shack up in a hotel for maybe a week or two, wear a nice white robe and eat truffles. I want to spoil myself, watch HBO and pretend like nothing else exists. I may not fulfill the fantasy entirely, but I might go to Bangkok.

I tend to fall into this pattern of needing to get away when I start to spend too much time in one place or with one person. I like my space. I like to go and do something different and then be able to come back together at a later time. I do think that distances helps you to miss something so you can appreciate it more. I certainly miss my parents right now and I don't think I did very much all throughout college.

So, thinking about seeing Thailand. Also, I'm actually looking forward to whenever I return to Phnom Penh. Small town life is fine and everything but at least today, my head and heart is somewhere else. I just feel the need to see something different. I emailed some contacts in PP who are working in a Christian NGO (Servants Asia) and could really use the fellowship right now. Who knows where any of this will take me.

Everyday is different but they are all composing this larger story.

I'll end with a positive note: