Life in Pursat.

The past few days have been so erratic. In the midst of my earlier frustrations, I had the intentions of writing an entry to be titled, "Homestay Woes", in which I was going to let myself go on quite a diatribe about the interactions, awkwardness and resentment of these beginning days.

I have not been sleeping well because I share a bed with my host-sister. Of course I would end up with the kid that talks in her sleep, kicks and snores occasionally. I consider this sleeping arrangement to be just another way of fully experiencing authentic Cambodian culture. For me, since I have never had to share a bed in my life and generally cannot do so for the occasional slumber party with friends, maybe you can imagine the challenges of adjustment.

There is a lot to be said about my homestay. The picture above is the view of the backyard. One of the more redeeming qualities because it is a place of refuge and serenity.

As my time here progresses, I have noticed some readiness in my attitude to be here. I'm glad I moved in with a family because that meant I was finally able to unpack. I now have a regular schedule of Khmer lessons which begin tomorrow. I have a group of friends I can hang out with. I purchased a cell phone. I am taking care of myself and will even try to not look like shit all the time. Through all these different things, I am finding small pieces of normalcy that I need. To be here, to even begin the conceptualization of "living in Pursat", I need to be grounded in certain domestications.

One of the most obvious and crucial elements to any family environment focuses around food. We all know this. Having been through one homestay on LA Term and all the food drama we had with that, I am well aware of how much food affects your situation. Also having intimate knowledge and experience with Asian culture, I know that issues concerning body image is a huge deal. So for me to be Chinese, but with an average American body (belly, boobs and all), I fully expected to be noticed. Once again, Asian culture has not disappointed me in this regard.

Everyone here is rail thin. Both men and women are about a size 0-4. I have eaten more rice here than I have in a really long time. Some of my emotional frustrations came from the constant scrutiny and confusion that my homestay expressed to me about not eating enough. The truth is, I really just cannot eat that much rice. While everyone can have second servings, I can barely finish my first. Since we celebrated Chinese New Year, I had the eyes and questions of all the relatives on me. They have even mentioned that perhaps I have an eating problem. Hot damn, I just refuse to eat beyond my capacity. I also wish I can explain to them my lack of metabolism. And as far as standards for sanitation are concerned, believe me, you do not even want to know.

Adding to the mix of difficulty is of course the issue of language. All this makes it challenging to be here sometimes. I have been struggling and defying Asian stereotypes for my whole life, why would it have been any different here? Oh, Cambodia. I have always been very particular with my Asian preferences. There are certain values and traditions that I do not care for. Yet, somehow, I ended up here...

Today has been a better day so I can laugh about my challenges now. I have allowed for awkwardness and some passivity yet because of those things, I have felt even greater incentive and motivation to learn Khmer. So, for five days a week, an hour a day, I will be studying my butt off. What a gift it will be to be able to communicate.

I have to get going now but I wanted to update with a bit of what's going on. There can be a lot more to be said but maybe another time. Updates about my involvement with the local radio station, the redemption of the state of Wisconsin, etc. I have been learning so much about myself lately. Important things. And forming new questions about old things.

Love to you all.