Silent conversations.

Even with an online journal, sometimes it is hard to publicize certain conversations or allow thoughts to be audible. Yes, I can be a private person too. Of course, I always tend to push my own boundaries.

School starts in 2 weeks. Whether or not I quite feel ready, it's happening. I'm hesitant to get back in a classroom and be forced to talk about my experiences in Cambodia, as if I will have to prove myself in some way. I can just imagine us comparing our stories, sizing each other up to see who was the bravest, most like Ghandi or Mother Theresa, who had the grandest adventures or even who God spoke to the most.

Insecurities.

I can't change what happened in Cam or the decisions that I made. For those four months, I felt like I was simply just trying to live and learn. It wasn't perfect. I didn't meet all the expectations that my Global Studies major may have demanded. But something much deeper happened to me. So in the broader more spiritual, romantic and life sense, I am proud of those four months. Though that I'm back and I do have to finish my studies, a lot is now required of me.

Throughout these months, I am making myself finally write about Cambodia. To really write about Cam, who I was there, what happened, what I did, what I learned. Regardless of any and all hesitations, it's time. I'm accepting it now. Things have to come in their own timing. This is as true for romance as for anything else. And speaking of such things...

I want to share something that I never talked about before.

I fell in love with someone, an American boy, while I was in Cambodia. Yes, I won't be ashamed to finally admit that here in this blog. I received an email today from him saying that he is on his way to India to study meditation and yoga. We had the most beautiful friendship and I think I met a part of my soul that I didn't even know existed. For that, and for many other reasons, I will always feel grateful to him. Perhaps this email signals the last of it. He was in Cam with me, then he came home and now has left again. For all the things we experienced together, for the many conversations that only God can know how much they meant to me, it's safe to say that I will think of him always with fondness.

But back to what I was saying about timing... if nothing else, what I have learned the most in these past four years is that, timing is everything. To that, I give credence. Life for me continues to move on. I move forward even though it can be painful sometimes. And it is in those moments, that you know there are certain conversations you can only have with God.

I have an interview for a nanny job. I actually look forward to it. I'm also going to look into grad school. And of course, my eyes and my heart is always with the world.

Much peace to you,

Wendy