Things I've been learning about myself.

I have a deep desire to be understood. I want to be heard, I want to be cared for. I want to be understood.

I want to break patterns. Sometimes I am really afraid and hesitant to put myself out there and be vulnerable. When I meet somebody, I make a very quick assessment in my head about what kind of role they're allowed to play in my life. Essentially, I immediately put people in a box because I have to be the one in control. But life usually has a way of teaching me that I can't try and control everything. And people do not stay in boxes. They move! They grow. But if you have to give them a box, make sure it's big enough, okay?

I have a lot of friendships that really challenge me and that's why these people are my friends and why I love them so dang much. But there's been one in particular that has really gotten me thinking. I've been learning that I really do not want nor need the opinions of other people to validate me. And at the end of the day, whatever anyone feels about me does not change who I am. My quest really is to understand my self-worth, the grace that is constantly being given to me by God and to love myself with the love of the Divine.

Working hard at Zona Rosa's in Pasadena.

I've stayed in Azusa these past few days, working alongside Casey, a kindred spirit and fellow Global Studies major. She understands everything that I'm going through right now and this semester would have been unimaginably painful and depressing if we didn't have each other.

So yes, finals is upon us! Somehow, everything will end by this coming Friday (for me, 9:00am to be exact) and I can almost taste how sweet it shall be. This semester has taught me so much about myself. My insecurities, how I respond to stress, what kind of writer I am and in what ways I've become a better writer (writing nearly 200 pages will do that!), who I want to be, who I'm not, who I currently am... Even though it has been a really hard and stressful semester, for all that I have already gained, I can only say that it has, in fact, been very good.

I was reminded of these powerful words by Nelson Mandela by another good friend:

"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”