Since APU is a Christian university, they're intent on making sure we don't forget that. So, one of the requirements of our school is to complete a certain number of "Ministry & Service" credits by the time you graduate. You know I'm all about love and service but obligatory volunteer work never made much sense to me. Thus, I avoided turning in any paperwork for what I've done in the past 5 years. That is, until today when I had to do them so that I could be officially cleared for graduation (and receive my cap & gown tomorrow!). It was such an immense feeling of satisfaction that this was the last formality (well, aside from finals and that thesis). After getting my clearance, I was suddenly hit with this wave of sentimentality.
But this is no surprise. I knew it was coming. I've known that I'm probably going to be an emotional wreck on graduation day.
I've been sitting in the library on campus tonight, reading and jotting down notes for perhaps the most important paper I will write. And no, it's not my senior thesis. As I've said before in my previous posts, my Asian American class has been my favorite course this semester. Our final paper is on the AA experience and well, I get to write about what these last 5 years have done to me, for me. The pain, shame, growth, power and self I have discovered because of the unraveling and coloring I have gone through as I have learned about being a person of color, an ethnic minority, Chinese, Asian, American, female, etc.
Needless to say, I am pretty emotional right now.
It's not that I'm not ready to graduate. I am so ready. It's just the realization that this chapter is almost over really blows my mind. I never thought I'd get here. 2 weeks from now, this will no longer be part of my life. And I think the distance will do me some good.
W e n d y
Age: 22Location: California
Srok Khmer
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2 comments:
Is serving really a bad thing? Other than an obligation, it's good for the humility department :P I was kicking and screaming last week just for doing a day of volunteer work. It shows how I've gotten use to doing what I want and, at times, for selfish reasons. I realize I need a heart re-adjustment, and self re-evaluation.
Anyway, I went to a public school and my obligation was 150 hours of free labor (internship) to a heartless industry. I also had to do a special writing test in order to graduate as well. But you know, I miss school and I want to go back to school. Hope you're able to finish strong...or at least survive till the end :D
Dude. Graduating college was very hard for me too. It feels very much like flailing, or it did to me. I think it's evened out a bit now. Not so much thrashing around.
Anyway, I love reading your posts, Miss. <3
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