Stretching out.

I like to reckon that something is happening here (and something within myself) because everyday, as I discover more about Pursat and Cambodia, the more I desire to stay here longer. I have been thinking about this for only a little over a week, and I was going to remain quiet about it but I do want to write to help process. Yes, even despite being sick often and feeling like Cambodia doesn't always love me back, there is so much I want to do, see and learn.

My pace of living has slowed down; really different from how it was on LA Term. In LA, I wanted to be constantly moving, have every hour mapped out and accomplish as many things in a day as possible. Perhaps it was simply the influence of the environment that I was in. Yet here, though there is also many things and places to be a part of, I do not feel the rush, nor do I even want it. This sort of shift in paradigm may also be a guiding agent in the motivation to stay here long-term. I don't want to be constantly busy while I am here yet I know that the remainder of my time is short.

Yesterday, we visited this fantastic organization called CROAP (Center of Research for Optimal Agricultural Practices). It is only about 10 miles away from the center of town, which would make for a nice bike ride. A group of German Montessori teachers were facilitating training and we were able to observe the amazing effects of a couple days worth of lessons. The children were so focused on their tasks and absorbed with their learning.

In addition, the entire grounds of the center is so beautiful. Clean, organized, deliberate. I just really liked the fact that this center was cut off by the busyness of the town and the highway. (Photos on the website can speak for themselves.) The organization is of Catholic affiliation and the environment had such a serene energy to it. There is also a gorgeous wooden house where anybody can come stay for a few nights (free of charge). Several monkeys were chained to some trees and they were so cute, I wanted to take one home. There is even a quaint little gazebo chapel. Sigh. I wanted to stay there, or at the very least, plan a solo retreat for the future. A bike ride into the woods, followed by a few days of silence and meditation. So good!

Learning about different organizations here and the good they are doing really drives me to want to invest more. At first, I was absolutely terrified of even this little seed of thought in my mind of the possibility of staying here longer. For the majority of my time thus far, I have had my eyes fixed on the finish line - just make it till June, then you can come home. I have fantasized so many times about just being able to hug my mom, shower in my perfect clean bathroom, wash clothes using a laundry machine and have delicious Mexican food.

Now, I have no idea if I will stretch out my stay. I will let the next few months dictate for themselves and try to listen to the Spirit. I pray for earnestness as I seek guidance. Even now as I type this, knowing how many people read this blog, it seems premature to talk about something that only remains a thought.

I have become a firm believer that truly effective work in the non-profit/ministerial world, one must commit themselves whole-heartedly to pouring out to one community, one cause for the long-term. At least a few years. Though I have been developing this belief, I have neither been confident or ready enough to commit myself quite yet. I'll admit it - I'm scared of responding and committing to such conviction.

So these are some really honest and raw thoughts. Please, if you pray, pray for me.