Rollercoaster days.

Coming back to Pursat even after a mere two weeks was really rough. For those two weeks I had crawled inside of myself and when I do that, I lose the drive to work and even the will to live.

And whenever I experience physical discomfort (oh say, having heat rash everywhere and contracting head lice), or get called fat or big (which happens all too often), my first instinct is to want to come home. On those days, I dream about the sweet glorious return to beautiful Southern California and it is all I can think about. I spend the money to make phone calls, write long emails, waste away hours on Facebook looking at pictures and even think about purchasing shit on eBay or Amazon.

And then I have days when all I want to do is learn and practice Khmer, take on projects, explore Pursat and be here. Be here in Cambodia. And even ask the question, "How can I stay here longer?"

Today, was the first day of officially having my own class to teach. It is for beginning and elementary English students between 13-17 years old. I've decided to format the class with a set weekly schedule. Mondays - Grammar; Tuesdays - Art/Music; Wednesdays - Geography/History; Thursdays - Computer; Friday - Show & Tell. The focus of this class is going to be to improve their English but incorporated into these different electives. I spent the first day just introducing myself and getting a personal sense of where each student was with their English. Only three came. The timing isn't the most opportune because students are on break for the entire month and Khmer New Year is coming next week and they also have a week off from SC. So they are not exactly in academic mode.

But I am really excited for this class. It is a positive feeling to have students of my own; students that I can really get to know. I am going to make a short syllabus complete with objectives, rules and expectations. I don't care if I only have three kids show up or 15. So long as the ones who do come are going to take it seriously. And it is also really great when I can translate for myself if a student doesn't understand a word in English.

So these are my days here. Sometimes all I can do is just exist and cope with the physical stresses and emotional pits. And sometimes, I feel more present and willing. I also try to spend a lot of time being quiet and in dialog with God. This week, I am fasting from television. I posted a note on the TV that says: "Read instead."

I love you all and am filled with encouragement to hear about the changes and growths you are experiencing where you are at. We are all living and going through life, discovering ourselves, experiencing mistakes and the humility and grace of learning from them...

And a special note to Tyrone: Friend, dear friend of many years now, I pray for many blessings in your new marriage - especially the kinds that challenge you to grow and be a better man, a better husband. I pray for faithfulness between you and Katrina and faithfulness between the two of you and God.