Coming home.

These past few days have been really hard. I've made the decision to come home early and I feel peace about it. Yet at the same time, for the remaining 10 days that I'm in Cambodia, I've also been easing back into life here, since returning from Phnom Penh. Though my heart often dwells somewhere else, I'm trying my best to be here and sometimes the only way to do that is just to move with the motions, to participate in activities, to go to the market, the villages, etc. Basically, to continue to exist and live here. And there is still good to experience here. There is always good. There are moments of genuine smiles. I mean, this is where I've been for the past four months. This place is important.

A friend told me last night, "Everything has to end." Things last for different amounts of time but eventually, there is always an end. It is difficult to process that my time here is ending even if I am anxious to go home and see people. There will be so many things I will miss about Cambodia.

In being here, I've been discovering the depth of God's character, of God's being. It is more vast, more holy, more beautiful than human imagination. And I've been discovering God within myself. The strength to sleep beside rats, have nits, trek through swampy water, travel alone, be called fat and not hate myself... be called fat and not hate the people who say it to me. To not be crushed by the horror of things I've seen. To not have fallen apart in the midst of all this grief.

Well, I'll be home soon. The 22nd to be exact.