On feeling old and the joys in life.

A recent self-portrait.

Since I am a commuter and try to notice as little on campus, I just learned this week (hello, December!) that the main library on campus is opened till 3:00AM now. I had no idea! And then when I tried to talk to people about it, they're all, "Oh yeah. It's been that way the whole semester." WHAT! See, back in my day (ahem, last year), the library was only opened till 1:00AM, which I felt was sufficient. I'm old!

I say a lot of, "When you've been at this school for 5 years...." and then fill the rest with whatever statement. Like about presentations being stupid and worthless. Or the uselessness of maintaining perfect attendance. I'm so not a role model.

But, as much as my lack of academic discipline is going to reflect in my poor grades this semester, I've always been a bigger picture type of person. So, my glass is not only half-full, it's being continuously poured into. There have been some incredible joys in my life recently. Perhaps it's the seemingly "little" things. But when they fill you up with great emotions and remind you to live fully, they don't seem so little, do they? No. They are all quite big. And quite important.

I've made a commitment to finish college, and that's what I'll do. But my focus is always on what is ahead: life after college. I am going to finally be able to pursue what I want. The experiences of these 5 years have made me who I am today. God has used this crazy school and all these crazy people in it to teach me about how God is so much bigger than this one context; about what community really is and isn't; the importance of honesty and self-love and self-awareness; and that by the sheer fact that we are human, there is a global bond between ourselves and our international neighbors. This means the fight is always universal because it's personal. Because what happens in Sudan or India affects us. Okay, bit of a tangent. I guess I'm just getting really excited!

Favorite ring, from Phnom Penh.

I've had some really intense conversations lately. But, I need those in my life. My mind and heart need to be radically challenged, all the time. I need to think about big things. I have a deep desire to understand the history, theology, psychology and sociology of sexuality. I have a deep desire to be a teacher of church reconciliation. I have a deep desire to make a difference in the education system in Cambodia. And I want to write books! I want to write books about my life and the effects of growing up with so much cross-cultural chaos. I want to write about the invisible people of the public transportation system. I want to write about reclaiming "missions".

I guess I'm sharing all of this because I need to live more fully. I need to remember that I am inspired by greatness and I know, with everything in me, that each of us are capable of greatness and that we have the right to be great. I don't want to be lazy. I don't want life to pass me by. It's definitely hard though. Not going to lie. That is why my pursuit of mental health is so important to me. If we are intentional and active about our development of becoming better versions of ourselves and closer to the greatness that we were created with, think about how much more could be possible.

On that note, I will attempt to get some work done!

Shalom and namaste.