Socializing vs. exercising.

In lieu of spending time with people, in making the effort to set up dates with friends, I've been becoming more acquainted with my gym equipment, bicycle, running shoes, yoga mat, jump rope and those hi-lighter yellow shorts that I can't stop wearing while I exercise. Fueled by the words of personal trainers over the web, workout videos, athletic friends and books on yoga and meditation, I have seen a new light... and it is one that forces me to keep my heart beating at a faster rate than... oh say, those awful months (okay, 2 years) that I spent smoking (on & off).

It's been a surprise to me too, though.

I certainly never saw myself as someone who would enjoy physical activity. While I was in Cam, something that I was always afraid of admitting was my own personal laziness. My motivation (or sometimes the lack thereof) to move, be outside, live, played a huge factor in my overall experience. My laziness has been a part of me since I was young. Something has changed now, even if it is still just a small seed that is only starting to grow.

I can now see my body as something I am responsible for - the kind of products I put into it, or the amount of care or negligence I give it. I'm starting to believe that my being unfit is because I have failed to do something about it. So, I'm finally doing something about it. This can be fixed. This can turn into something really good. I'm looking forward to this new season in my life. I don't plan on conforming to social standards of beauty. I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. It is a change not only in the physical, but it is a challenge of transforming a paradigm.