Sigh.
I was just filled with a lot of love and joy. Even the hard entries. I started wondering (again), when do I get to go back?!?! When do I get to sit in the bar owned by that lovely English man who would always call me "Cranberry" when I came in because I'd ask for cranberry and vodka. Except, he'd always forget to buy cranberry juice so I'd settle for a beer or something.
I WANT TO GO BACK. But not in that devastating way I felt all summer long. More like just happy/excited for the opportunity, some day. I've made leaps and bounds in sifting through my emotions about Cam. I understand so much better now about what it is that I truly enjoyed about being there - the experiences that were unique to the situations there. But perhaps more importantly, what certain things represented. So with that, I can see more clearly now that there are some things I just want in life in general, and then there are some things very specific to Cambodia. Much healthier. Though the journey to get to this place took a lot of time and work.
A new year is upon us.
A new semester awaits me next week. I should probably register for classes, right? I should probably make sure I have money for school, too.
I am thinking about ideas for my Senior Seminar paper. One 30-page paper seems like child's play now. But nonetheless, I want to write about something interesting. And my Thesis needs to contribute some sort of original research.
But speaking of research... I am looking into job opportunities in... China. Oh, from the red flag I came, to the red flag I return? Finding legitimate and trustworthy agencies and schools in China are not that easy. To start, many Chinese people are greedy and corrupt. Because they are all just looking out for themselves and not afraid to take advantage of naive foreigners. I've been reading articles and guides for teachers in China (yes, quite specific) and there's a lot of work that goes into this. I'm ready for the challenge, as I've even started a database for prospective candidates. If they're going to interview me, damn straight that I'm going to interview them right back.
The next few months are going to be good times. Trying to get a job for right now. Writing beautiful, compelling cover letters. Getting photos taken for applications (people are so vain and appearance-focused these days, sheesh). Wondering where in the world I will be after I graduate in MAY. Oh hey, that's right. I'm also going to treat myself to tons of graduation pictures because this shit took 5 years. The best years of my life but the hardest as well. I want to go out with a bang. And then, quite possibly, I want to move to another country. Again. But for much longer this time.
It's late. I'm entirely too chatty for this hour. At one point I may feel ready to write about the experience of watching Revolutionary Road. I may even want to talk about the state of my grandpa's isolation in our home for the past year, and the breakdown of my father's relationship with him. Maybe even share a glimpse of my running commentary on gender and sexuality. Oh, how exciting!
But for now, I need to learn to sleep at a proper hour.
Peace and love to you all.
4 comments:
It's good that you're really researching the opportunities to work in China and preparing questions to ask in interviews. That's what I did when I applied for the job in Japan, and their answers to those questions were ultimately the reasons why I declined the job.
I think I stumbled upon a few of your Cambodia entries last year. They were quite good from what I remember :).
I have returned to this wonderfully silly world of blogging. Maybe one day I'll write a memoir about our custodial days (that I might very well be returning to this summer).
On another note...I really want to see Revolutionary Road but I hear it's traumatizing (which isn't surprising since it's about marriage and all).
Okay okay. I'll see it. Or read the book. Whichever one seems emotionally less trying in the nest week.
Also- oh how I empathize with your longing to return to Cambodia!
Let's go find enclaves of our beloved foreign homes in the isolated pockets of LA... oh, but wait... would that make you MY pocket?
traveling is definitely the BEST. let's take a trip back to South East Asia. good luck with your last semester!
Post a Comment