The day that I found out I got my new job, it became official that I was back. Suddenly, in those brief words from the manager, I had a purpose again. A place, a role to be accounted for. That gave me the freedom and grace I needed to be vulnerable and honest with myself to be able to let go, even just a little bit, of Cambodia. The first thing I did after becoming employed was to post pictures from Cam on facebook for the hundreds of people I know to see. That took a certain level of vulnerability of its own because for the past month, I was not able to share such a vivid part of my experience so publicly with the online world. Yes, it's been on this blog but the blog takes a few more clicks to get to than facebook.
I guess I thought that posting pictures would mean that I had really left and all there was to show for it were these pictures that I had, displaying them for a world that would not understand the emotions and depth of hardship I went through in the life I had through those photos. I hadn't taken the time because I wanted to keep those images close to me, as if I could keep myself in Cambodia just a bit longer. But in getting a job, in having a defined role again, I posted pictures (a few hundred, separated by categories) as a physical ritual of letting go. Silly perhaps but no, significant really.
Letting go? It's coming in its own time, but it's coming.
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